There is never any shortage of fuel to feed the beast, so the whole mechanism is constantly nourished to administer shame and a general feeling of incompetency. Sometimes just a low simmer, but it always feels right there. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming and debilitating. “Motherhood often feels like a game of guilt management. Of Mess and Moxie: Wrangling Delight Out of This Wild and Glorious Life It includes the old biblical wisdom on being slow to speak and quick to listen, because as much as we love to talk, share, and talk-share some more, there is a special holiness reserved for the practice of listening and deferring.”
It means considering the stories around the table before launching into an assumed shared narrative. Closer in, it looks like coffee dates, dinner invites, the warm hand of friendship extended to women or families outside your demographic. It looks like diversifying small groups and leadership, not defaulting to homogeny as the standard operating procedure. It is one thing to “feel nice feelings” toward the minority voice it is something else entirely to challenge existing power structures to include the whole variety of God’s people. We must examine who is invited, who is asked to teach, who is asked to contribute, who is called into leadership. It trains us to think critically about community, language, felt needs, and inclusion, shaking off autopilot and setting a wider table. It helps uncenter us (which is, you know, the whole counsel of the New Testament) and sharpens our eye for our sisters and brothers. When I’m with my recently divorced friend, I hear it through hers. “When I’m sitting by my gay friends in church, I hear everything through their ears.